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Dear God, why am I writing this? Please start helping me after I finish this season's finale.
This season of the Hills took us away from LC's life and we jumped blindly into K-Cav's dramatics. That girl clearly thinks the show is about acting with all the drama she stirs up, her longing looks, her ridiculous man-eating attitude, and that dumb black hairy coat. But for all the negative things I can say about her, at least it makes the Hills a little more exciting, although I still feel quite ashamed that I catch up on the show every Wednesday morning. Maybe it's so I can see what new state Justin Bobby's hair is in, or whether it's his demented way of having a conversation with Kristin, who "did something special" to him. This show is teeters on the border of incestuous ... but that's nothing new with MTV.
Oh poor Brody and his inability to commit to anything. My heart is crying for you and that girlfriend of yours that picked up the worst Valley Girl accent ever. You ask for approval from your friends about whether or not you should stay with the Playboy bunny ... and then K-Cav pops back into your mind. I admit, Jayde (seriously, that's her name?) is rather irritating, bossy, and quite the attention whore, but I'm pretty sure her posing in Playboy is a dead giveaway for that last character flaw. But for someone like Brody, who seems
Audrina really needs to back up her words with Justin Bobby ... oh, wait, it's now just Justin (cue jazz hands). I'm tired of watching the garbage conversations between them where she tells him to stay away, then she's always setting up these secret meetings with him. I want to yell at her, "YOUR TEETH ARE TOO BIG FOR YOUR MOUTH!!" But let's face it, people don't watch her for her face. Someone should go ahead and tell her that the 80's called and wants all remnants of itself back from her closet, including that ridiculous boy band top-hat! At least she won't be back next season ... but what will she do, really?
Oh, who am I kidding, somehow all these kids will still make ridiculous sums of money for their "reality" show, and yes, I'm just jealous.
When did they decide that Stacie the bartender needed to befriend someone on the show? I thought her story line was to flirt heavily with Spencer and then disappear. Funny that she's friends with Kristin, the cupid who matched Speidi up.
Lo ... who is she anyway?
Heidi and Spencer: why are they even together? It seems like every episode shows one of them plotting against the other to see who can be the master manipulator. Great basis for a relationship, right there. And this Enzo kid ... did his parents really feel like he was safe with them? I'd worry he might drink the kool-aid ...
**SPOILER ALERT**
Anyway, this season is over, Kristin and JB are giving it a go, Brody thinks he wants Kristin back, suddenly Spencer thinks he'll want kids (please God, keep them from pro-creating), and Audrina ... dressed up like Debbie Gibson. K Cav has something brewing for next season I'm sure, with plenty of backstabbing, drama, and skimpy clothing (as well as that black hairy coat). And maybe Stacie will hide more nuts in her cheeks. But I will still watch, feeling incredibly ashamed of myself, but loving every minute of it.
This season of the Hills took us away from LC's life and we jumped blindly into K-Cav's dramatics. That girl clearly thinks the show is about acting with all the drama she stirs up, her longing looks, her ridiculous man-eating attitude, and that dumb black hairy coat. But for all the negative things I can say about her, at least it makes the Hills a little more exciting, although I still feel quite ashamed that I catch up on the show every Wednesday morning. Maybe it's so I can see what new state Justin Bobby's hair is in, or whether it's his demented way of having a conversation with Kristin, who "did something special" to him. This show is teeters on the border of incestuous ... but that's nothing new with MTV.
Oh poor Brody and his inability to commit to anything. My heart is crying for you and that girlfriend of yours that picked up the worst Valley Girl accent ever. You ask for approval from your friends about whether or not you should stay with the Playboy bunny ... and then K-Cav pops back into your mind. I admit, Jayde (seriously, that's her name?) is rather irritating, bossy, and quite the attention whore, but I'm pretty sure her posing in Playboy is a dead giveaway for that last character flaw. But for someone like Brody, who seems
Audrina really needs to back up her words with Justin Bobby ... oh, wait, it's now just Justin (cue jazz hands). I'm tired of watching the garbage conversations between them where she tells him to stay away, then she's always setting up these secret meetings with him. I want to yell at her, "YOUR TEETH ARE TOO BIG FOR YOUR MOUTH!!" But let's face it, people don't watch her for her face. Someone should go ahead and tell her that the 80's called and wants all remnants of itself back from her closet, including that ridiculous boy band top-hat! At least she won't be back next season ... but what will she do, really?
Oh, who am I kidding, somehow all these kids will still make ridiculous sums of money for their "reality" show, and yes, I'm just jealous.
When did they decide that Stacie the bartender needed to befriend someone on the show? I thought her story line was to flirt heavily with Spencer and then disappear. Funny that she's friends with Kristin, the cupid who matched Speidi up.
Lo ... who is she anyway?
Heidi and Spencer: why are they even together? It seems like every episode shows one of them plotting against the other to see who can be the master manipulator. Great basis for a relationship, right there. And this Enzo kid ... did his parents really feel like he was safe with them? I'd worry he might drink the kool-aid ...
**SPOILER ALERT**
Anyway, this season is over, Kristin and JB are giving it a go, Brody thinks he wants Kristin back, suddenly Spencer thinks he'll want kids (please God, keep them from pro-creating), and Audrina ... dressed up like Debbie Gibson. K Cav has something brewing for next season I'm sure, with plenty of backstabbing, drama, and skimpy clothing (as well as that black hairy coat). And maybe Stacie will hide more nuts in her cheeks. But I will still watch, feeling incredibly ashamed of myself, but loving every minute of it.
- Location:United States, California, Stanford
- Mood:
cheerful
Sometimes I wonder if my occupation is creating certain idiosyncrasies in my personality. I deal with a select few giant a-holes, those who seem to set the jackass bar for the rest of the world. Catering to them is definitely tough sometimes because I'm not really known for taking shit from anyone. Instead, I've been conditioned to tuck my tail between my legs, bite my tongue, and stare longingly out the window as though I've just been lobotomized. The struggle continues every day I walk into work, and unfortunately sometimes I take the struggle home with me to play out in a non-work setting.
It's unfair. It isn't just. And it just does not feel good. It rides on my conscience like an Andretti: pedal to the floor. I just can't seem to find a way out of that cycle, although the cycle does seem to die down when my deadlines pass (go figure).
So how does one constructively deal with frustration and stress from work, where one hangs out for more than 8 hours a day each day, five days a week (and sometimes more)? I tried to use my gym addiction as a place of refuge for awhile. I figured, working out stress is a good thing, but the obsession with which I approach working out was (and still is) not healthy. And so I've turned to writing, but even that can sometimes not take my mind off the events of the day. I carry them around like little gold coins that seem so valuable that I can't just drop them for someone else to pick up.
But really, they hold no value. Those coins deserve to be left by the wayside. And so it begins: my resolution, starting 12/1/09, is to just let go. I'm sure it would have been easier if I had been born with that Y chromosome so I would intrinsically know how to compartmentalize things like this. Instead, I'm trying to forge my own path with this problem, and I intend to arm myself with help from anyone and anything (hello, internet) that can contribute to my bank of knowledge.
It's unfair. It isn't just. And it just does not feel good. It rides on my conscience like an Andretti: pedal to the floor. I just can't seem to find a way out of that cycle, although the cycle does seem to die down when my deadlines pass (go figure).
So how does one constructively deal with frustration and stress from work, where one hangs out for more than 8 hours a day each day, five days a week (and sometimes more)? I tried to use my gym addiction as a place of refuge for awhile. I figured, working out stress is a good thing, but the obsession with which I approach working out was (and still is) not healthy. And so I've turned to writing, but even that can sometimes not take my mind off the events of the day. I carry them around like little gold coins that seem so valuable that I can't just drop them for someone else to pick up.
But really, they hold no value. Those coins deserve to be left by the wayside. And so it begins: my resolution, starting 12/1/09, is to just let go. I'm sure it would have been easier if I had been born with that Y chromosome so I would intrinsically know how to compartmentalize things like this. Instead, I'm trying to forge my own path with this problem, and I intend to arm myself with help from anyone and anything (hello, internet) that can contribute to my bank of knowledge.
- Location:United States, San Jose, Starbright Dr, 2305
- Mood:
pensive
Whatever colors you have in your mind / I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
I feel like I've had quite a year: the roller coaster that is work, trying to maintain things in my personal life, running without overdoing it, Australia, turning 30, etc ... all of which I'm thankful for, but there seems to be something that haunts me with its void. I can't quite pinpoint it, but somehow my year still feels undone, which is unfortunate since there's only about 4 weeks left.
I am the type of person who is constantly on my own case about things not being done right, not quite reaching perfection. I have forever been my own worst enemy, because I chide myself until I'm crying in the corner on my own time-out. Those days are never fun, although they do start out with incredible promise. I have a tendency to allow my own thoughts to get the better of me despite the fact that there's no real basis for those beliefs to actually come to fruition. This year, I allowed that couple of days each month to cripple my capacity to think clearly and rationally, so I find it is my duty as my own best friend to come up with ways to identify my triggers and work my way through them so that no tears are shed, no mental anguish suffered, no pity party in the corner by myself.
With that said, I pledge to whomever reads this that I will come up with at least one item per day for which I am thankful to remind myself of what makes me happy so the senseless sadness that takes over during this darker season doesn't torture me any further.
I appreciate those who have stuck with me as true friends, the angels in my life who deal with me on a regular basis, making me feel as fabulous as a girl who just reached a pivotal age in life can feel. It is you folks who keep me going; I hear your voices in the back of my head cheering me on even when I am not necessarily as proud as I can be about my results. I should be proud of the actual finish, and you all have your own ways of reminding me both of that fact and the fact that I somehow contribute positively to your lives.
Happy thanksgiving to all, and please know that friends like me truly appreciate you. I'm sending you a giant basket of virtual hugs and kisses right now, although I know it's not as effective as the "superpoke" of facebook. You all sure do know how to make a girl feel special.
P.S. These are tears of joy today, not sorrow. :-)
I am the type of person who is constantly on my own case about things not being done right, not quite reaching perfection. I have forever been my own worst enemy, because I chide myself until I'm crying in the corner on my own time-out. Those days are never fun, although they do start out with incredible promise. I have a tendency to allow my own thoughts to get the better of me despite the fact that there's no real basis for those beliefs to actually come to fruition. This year, I allowed that couple of days each month to cripple my capacity to think clearly and rationally, so I find it is my duty as my own best friend to come up with ways to identify my triggers and work my way through them so that no tears are shed, no mental anguish suffered, no pity party in the corner by myself.
With that said, I pledge to whomever reads this that I will come up with at least one item per day for which I am thankful to remind myself of what makes me happy so the senseless sadness that takes over during this darker season doesn't torture me any further.
I appreciate those who have stuck with me as true friends, the angels in my life who deal with me on a regular basis, making me feel as fabulous as a girl who just reached a pivotal age in life can feel. It is you folks who keep me going; I hear your voices in the back of my head cheering me on even when I am not necessarily as proud as I can be about my results. I should be proud of the actual finish, and you all have your own ways of reminding me both of that fact and the fact that I somehow contribute positively to your lives.
Happy thanksgiving to all, and please know that friends like me truly appreciate you. I'm sending you a giant basket of virtual hugs and kisses right now, although I know it's not as effective as the "superpoke" of facebook. You all sure do know how to make a girl feel special.
P.S. These are tears of joy today, not sorrow. :-)
- Location:United States, California, Stanford
- Mood:
thankful
Every year, I always trick myself into believing that winter is one of my favorite seasons, to the point where I brave the whipping winds in skirts, chattering uncontrollably, secretly wondering whether I'm going to get wind burn on my legs. And every year, I'm thankful when the weather gets warmer. Don't get me wrong, I love the coolness of the air, and the fact that the sun gets up before I do under standard time, but the darkness can be penetrating to the point of depression.
So I want to find some new distractions for when I don't have any plans. I think bowling will become one of them, along with reconnecting with the wii for cheap electronic entertainment. If anyone else has suggestions, please feel free to let me know!
It is the "most wonderful time of the year," for certain; I just need to figure out a way out of the funk. Your help is most appreciated.
So I want to find some new distractions for when I don't have any plans. I think bowling will become one of them, along with reconnecting with the wii for cheap electronic entertainment. If anyone else has suggestions, please feel free to let me know!
It is the "most wonderful time of the year," for certain; I just need to figure out a way out of the funk. Your help is most appreciated.
- Location:United States, California, Stanford
- Mood:
cold
I am no longer a card-carrying member of Facebook. But what this really means is that I essentially have to exercise my own caution and stay away from the site itself because Facebook actually holds onto information unless you go through everyone's profile you've ever commented on and delete all remnants of anything remotely related to you. I don't have the patience to do that tonight, but I did try.
It's for the best. Facebook is a time killer, at the very least, and feels just like high school, at the very most. I'm completely done with anything like that: pages that serve no purpose in my life.
It's for the best. Facebook is a time killer, at the very least, and feels just like high school, at the very most. I'm completely done with anything like that: pages that serve no purpose in my life.
- Mood:
relieved
I remember the way my stepdad loved my mom with his whole heart. He wasn't very attached to many things, but my mother somehow brought out the best in him. He was so filled with love for her that he uprooted his life, moved himself out of the most wonderful city in the world (Paris), and started over once again. I was searching through some old things tonight and found the pamphlet from his memorial service in September 2002, upon which the following poem was enscribed:
My Coat of White
If I lived in daylight,
Where relations are so clear,
Then I'd wear a white coat,
So all my thoughts be fair.
But if I lived in nighttime,
And wore my coat of white,
None would know how pure I was,
For lacking of my sight.
And if I lived in sunrise,
With my famous coat of white,
Tinted colors by the sun,
Pure thought is changed to light.
BFK, Jr.
While initially, I didn't want to like this man, ultimately, a part of me passed with him. Every once in a while I catch myself remembering, looking up to the sky, and missing. Hope you are well, B.
My Coat of White
If I lived in daylight,
Where relations are so clear,
Then I'd wear a white coat,
So all my thoughts be fair.
But if I lived in nighttime,
And wore my coat of white,
None would know how pure I was,
For lacking of my sight.
And if I lived in sunrise,
With my famous coat of white,
Tinted colors by the sun,
Pure thought is changed to light.
BFK, Jr.
While initially, I didn't want to like this man, ultimately, a part of me passed with him. Every once in a while I catch myself remembering, looking up to the sky, and missing. Hope you are well, B.
- Location:United States, California, San Jose
- Mood:
indifferent
